So I awoke to the horrible sound of our puppy crying to be let out – Yep my “adult” kids thought that a puppy would “cheer me up” last year… Great idea!
The “Cheer me up”, has now become the “nick my spoons” idea… Not that they understand that concept at all!
They were in bed (They had late starts at work today, so as they work & I obviously don’t) they deserve that lie in of course, so up I get (cracking & crying) & go downstairs to let her out, clear up the muddy paw prints & sweep & wash-up & clean & Blah Blah Blah, – Which stole all but about 5 spoons from me today.
By the time they arose, I was shouting at the poor dog & they were in turn shouting at me for being so bloody moany…..
Now they are out –
I am seated (hot water bottle – thank you) & dictating this – Here’s my points.
- Yes you may go to work – You have held down part time jobs (both of you) for almost 2 years – BUT I worked Full time whilst bringing you up, during Cancer treatments, Depression bouts, pregnancies, Sick children, sick me & divorce & deaths – All to keep a roof over your heads for over 30 years!
- Yes initially I may have tried to hide my illness from you, But as you kept saying “why don’t you tell us what’s going on” – Well I did, I even showed you all the tablets & explained the problems & yet here I am – Spoons stolen & whacked out at midday again…
- I even denied this shitty diagnosis myself (in fact many days I still do) BUT whatever this is – it is REAL with very real symptoms and gaining support from family members who just don’t “get it” or aren’t as supportive as they could be is not only tricky it’s downright impossible in many many cases. BUT I’m not blaming you – I mean look at who you have as a Mother – The most obstinate, stubborn, self-sufficient bitch I’ve ever known & I am her!
So what do I want? What is this blog about?
I don’t even know – I just needed to whine to the ether that is the internet – Why? Because I can… Because another thing that happens when you become a Spoonie is the friends & social circle you had, disappears – it fades (as do you)….. So my on-line persona of me is there – pretending everything is ok – YEP – Me on Facebook & Twitter & Insta,chat,Book,page,web land (the old me) is alive & well & selfie-ing (all touched up, re-brushed & bags removed) looking happy & smiley so no one knows… While me (spoonie) is ghosting around my house…. Carrying my phone to dictate into & a hot water bottle to sit with…
Sorry for the rant XXX
I am a Spoonie hear me roar
(Ok Whimper today)