Crashing against the Rocks.

Today has been a difficult one, I’ve been on the phone to HMRC trying desperately to make someone understand the issues behind the child tax credit overpayment that reared it’s ugly head in 2014, 5 years after it happened. But as I’ve spent 3 years going through their complaints process only to be told they followed all their “processes” – I can’t do anything else. 

Don’t get me wrong, the people are nice, even empathetic  ( especially as my voice breaks a little from frustration and upset) but they explain they can’t do anything, they have to work within their proceedures and guidelines. So there now a huge bill that ( thanks to me being ill ) will sit in the HMRC records now until the day I die or until I pay it. 

The former is more likely.

The former is more close.

They know it, I know it.

And even though it’s their error          ( paperwork unclear for over 48 months) they can’t do anything about it – they followed their “processes and proceedures”.

So that was my morning. 

My afternoon was spent speaking to people who want help fundraising. 

Something I really wanna do for as many people as possible. I am good at it ( when I can function).

But the irony of my life is not lost on me!

I feel like I am constantly trying to swim but being battered against rocks. I could handle them easier when I was young and well, but now they are really beginning to bruise and batter me. 

I’m clinging onto the rocks that harm me to get some stability and I even crawl out and sunbathe on those bastards every now and then, forgetting how painful to me they are.  But before long I’m thrown back in the water, in the sea of problems and issues that surround me constantly….. it can be calm one minute and a raging torrent the next. 

I’m tired of this now.

The only respite are small glimpses at how wonderful the world can be. A dolphin here and there, a ship in the distance – beautiful, serene….. but never mine. Never there for long.

Crashing against rocks

Welcome to my life.

One thought on “Crashing against the Rocks.

  1. I am so very sorry that they did not cancel that overpayment credit. I hope they will revisit their decision in time. :/ In the meantime, I hope that engaging in some activities you enjoy, like the fundraising, can bring you some peace and hope. ❤ Sending many good and healing wishes your way!


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