This weekend just gone was a charity football match for 2 amazing small charities in my area..
Helping organise it (volunteer ) was exhausting as always and in the day, far from enjoying it, I kept disappearing ( to the ladies toilets, to have a bit of a sit down and “almost” cry).
There was an afterparty to say thanks to everyone and again, I sat through it.. as friends, family, supporters and guests were up dancing; I was seated, nursing a diet coke.
That day was so hard to do. But I had to be there.
Same as Tuesday evening, a debate on CCTV in care homes. Something I am very passionate about – I had to be there!
Now, its Wednesday morning and its hit me..
I’m in agony, even though I have taken painkillers throughout the night ( carrying on from my usual 8 during the day) and I’m still hurting.
My legs are on fire. My head is thumping, I have terrible indigestion and my stomach is making all sorts of ridiculous noises which means today the Diverticulitis is going to make me pay..
Its bloody awful… why cant I just be normal?
Attend an event or stand up for a few hours, without days of pain and ( yes I said it) depression after?
I am so lucky I had the wherewithal to buy the speech program for my laptop – or my brain would burst too..
I’m laying here, in bed, in pain, feeling very very alone.. I’m so thankful I can write on here..
Getting up, walking, eating, smiling, showering, going out, moving about.
Today (and probably the rest of the week) I JUST CAN’T.
The real versus the mask I wear.
FK U FIBRO…..